When the risk of “falling” keep you from living full out!
Do you or your child avoid trying new things because of the risk of falling and potentially looking stupid? There are some people that don’t even hesitate when they’re presented with a new challenge. There are actually people, adults and children, that actively seek the opportunity to participate in new situations!
I realize that my surprise at that tells you something about my mindset 😉
Fear of what others might think
When I was young I was that girl standing at the side of whatever was going on. I was watching, learning the ground rules and making sure I knew what was expected from me before even considering joining in. This behavior of course came from the fear of looking stupid. It’s a fear that I’ve struggled with growing up.
As an adult I came to realize how limiting and quite frankly BORING that mindset was. I was missing out on so much fun! When my friends went on ski-trips I didn’t wanna go. I didn’t join in with the beach-volley teams at the beach in the summers even though I actually had played volleyball in a team for two years in my late teens. I didn’t sign up for challenging physical races, no races actually. (Still don’t. But I’m working myself towards it 🙂 )
I decided to kick this mental habit out! It’s a work in progress.
You can help you child stay out of the fear mindset
If you want to help your child to stay out of the trap of holding herself back from new experiences there are many things you can try. It is of course, as usual, easiest if you walk your talk. If your child see you put yourself in new situations and see how you handle falling, failing and getting back up. See you laugh while learning. See you not giving up. Then your child will act the same.
Playhouse
I want my girls to play and have fun and not to be hindered by their bodies. Especially as girls I believe they need the extra encouragement to challenge themselves. Society will try to box them into a good girl behavior sooner or later and I want to prepare them so they resist.
Since they were babies we’ve been very physical in our play with them. Their father and I used to throw them between ourselves, very safely of course (!!!). We let them jump and climb all over our bed and living-room sofa (be very clear that that is not something they can do at other people’s houses). We built a little playhouse in their playroom up by the ceiling that they needed a rope-ladder to reach.
“How many times are you going to fall today?”
When the time came for Linnea and Emelie to try new things, like skating, skiing, skateboarding, climbing trees or just balancing, I used to smile and ask “So how many times are you going to fall today??”. If you don’t fall, you’re playing it safe and you’re missing out on the fun and the learning. It is at the limit of your ability that you grow the most. The question has given us many fun memories; when my youngest was learning to ski I actually heard her counting every time she fell and after about half an hour(!) of insistent practicing she beamed at me and stated “Mommy, I’ve fallen 34 times!!”
Use your words to help your child stay open
Read these sentences and see if you can feel the difference. There are ways of thinking that will encourage grit, practice, an open mind and curiosity. Maybe some of these tools, in terms of perspective, will be useful in your family.
Hey darling, you’re really good at skiing now! => Wow, darling, I see you’ve really put effort and time into practicing.
I’m really good at this! => It feels like I’m really on the right track!
I give up, this is too hard! => What other strategies are there that I haven’t tried yet?
This is easy! => I need more challenge!
Lisa skates so well, I’ll never be that good! => I’m going to figure out how Lisa does it so I can learn from her.
Use your body and your mind to become all you can be
Don’t let the fear of falling and looking stupid stop you from living your life in a physical way. Your body and mind are connected and developing the one will impact the other. Don’t miss out on the opportunity to build a strong mind through the shortcut of your body. Challenge yourself.
And hey, maybe the most important message when talking about this; have FUN! To participate in life in a physical, active way is fun! You will laugh and be energized and restored.
