Screen time

Limiting Screen time – Addiction – Let’s dive deeper

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Addiction

Is your child addicted to a screen?

When I hear the word ”addiction” I picture alcohol, cigarettes, gambling or drugs. In the recent years I’ve also added sugar to the list. Now there’s another factor that is worth keeping a vigilant eye on. Online addiction. Humans are arguably the most adaptable spicies on this planet but our bodies and brains weren’t created to change as fast as our world has changed in the last decades.

Spending time online is highly addictive

The relatively new term in marketing strategies, “gamification”, describes the theory of making something more enjoyable and addictive to humans. We love playing, and when we feel we’re getting better, finishing a new challenge, unlocking a new and more difficult level or just getting another gold star, we don’t stop to question the activity itself. We’re moved into flow and completely lose track of time.

The amount of money spent to capture and keep our attention is staggering. I did some research (online off course ;p) and according to statista.com the value of the worldwide gamification market was at 4.91 billion USD in 2016 with an expected growth to 12 billion in 2021.

It’s not just games that create addiction online. Our bodies were created to ensure we survive and one of the mechanisms is to reward the activity to look for things. To engage in finding things. If you’ve ever spent time in the woods looking for mushrooms or berries you know the rewarding exhilarating feeling you get when you finally find those treasures.

Browsing online lights your brain up in the same way. You get a chemical rush of endorphins released in your body whenever you “find” something interesting. Unfortunately the brain hasn’t caught up to differentiate between the findings. Fun movies of cats are rewarded the same way as essential food sources would be.

Limiting screen time – it’s up to you as a parent

Making sure you know What your child is doing online as well as answering the tough question of Why she spends time there is important. The internet shouldn’t be used to avoid or hide from your life. If it is then maybe it’s time to step back and look for alternatives.

There are arguments for limiting screen time even when the reasons to why your child is online are completely valid.

Without the knowledge of how our brains work in an online setting, and the understanding of how people act differently online, a child is defenseless. As an adult you can step back and realize the impact you’re having on your life. But the brain of a child isn’t ready to predict the consequences nor is it prepared to resist the biology of the reward system..

I’ve heard someone go as far as to likening letting a child surf online alone is like leaving her alone in a bar. There is no way for a child to understand why people are acting so different from how they would in a normal setting. The undercurrent of sex and mindlessly losing control is subconscious and hard to become aware of.

Some early signals to watch out for would be if she shows concern or worry if the tablet/phone isn’t around or if the battery is about to expire without there being a chance to charge nearby. She might turn down fun activities in exchange for time online or she might start to feel really frustrated when faced with some time without access to the internet. Being bored might start to feel really bad.

Approaching a change in screen time allowance

As with any change, especially those that might be perceived as a change for the worse, define when it would be a good time to talk about it.

Imagining spending two summer weeks in a small house with four children ages between 8 and 14. Say that these kids can’t leave the property, on their own, due to highly trafficked streets which rules out all activities such as exploring and playing outside the immediate property. Add to the mix a very warm air temperature that leaves the entire family on edge and parents that were looking forward to some relaxing and joyful days and now are trying to come to terms with that shattered illusion.

Is this an advisable time to introduce a limit on screen time? Maybe or maybe not. I guess it depends on your ability to muster your own energy and lead with love, laughter and certainty. I sure wasn’t in that place this past summer hence our children got noticeably more screen time than I would have accepted in other circumstances.

Pick your moment and think through the conversation before you engage in it. Limiting the supply of “drugs” for someone with online addiction, be it mild or extreme, won’t be met with immediate acceptance and joy. The strategy could be different depending on the age and level of maturity of your child.

Small children need clear guidelines

For smaller children it’s best to set a limit and stick by it. You might invite the child to participate in some part of the decision but you set the hard limits. You might say “we have a new rule for our family. We’re going to be using the tablet/phone/TV for a maximum of two hours every day. Which is best for you, would you prefer to have your time in the afternoon when you get home from school or is it better after dinner?”

My youngest daughter made me acutely aware of the level of addiction that the online world brings and of how hard it is to avoid. I hinted and huffed about her constant online presence this summer and at one point she had had enough. She literally said; “Mom, if you want me to use the Ipad less then give me a rule to follow. Don’t nag me all the time, you’re only making me feel guilty and bad!”

She wanted a rule to stick to. She knew it would help her stay away from the Ipad and she knew that during the time she was allowed to use it she would enjoy it instead of feeling bad about it. And she knew she could set that rule herself.

Older children will benefit from being more active in the decision

It’s important to include children in the decision as they grow older. Sooner or later they need to become self-reliant and learn to control this possible drug for themselves.

Tell them about the brain and talk about what addiction is. Explain that it’s not a matter of being strong and it’s not a question of if you trust them or not. It’s about chemistry and biology and it effects everyone. It’s something that everyone must learn about and keep an eye on.

They might think that “you’re overbearing or too old to understand the way the world works today”. Don’t fall into the trap of arguing about it. Keep with the facts and research and tell them to make a plan that you can talk through.

“I want you to go online (I know.. online… ;p) and research two areas; the risks of online addiction and what addiction is and does to the human brain. I want you to present your findings to me and I want you to show me how you plan to avoid it and also what early signs you’re going to look for.”

Talk through the plan together. When it comes to serious matters like addiction, you, as the parent, is still foremost responsible for the outcome. Agree on the best way for how you will supervise and how the both of you will check up on this issue regularly.

Always keep an eye on your own actions. Maybe your teenagers plan works as well for yourself? 🙂

BeBrave

Screen time – How long? is not as important as Why?

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Screen time

Do your children spend a lot of time in front of a screen such as a tablet, phone, TV or computer? How much is a lot of time? Do they spend more or less time than you do? How do you feel about it? How do they feel about it?

“Siri, how do you make healthy muffins?”

The Ipad came out in 2010 and a new era began. The amount of games and apps grew like wildfire and every company fought to create their own digital world to capture the attention of our children. Before that, the computer and TV game industry had already primed most of the generation that are now parents. Spending time in front of a screen is the new normal.

Now information is at our kid’s fingertips, or even at their disposal by just posing the question out loud to Siri or Alexa. Never has it been easier to stay in touch with friends or meeting new people from all over the world. The planet is accessible, for our kids, in a way that was just not possible for me growing up.

Wiki, Google and Storytel are aiding my kids in becoming self-reliant on facts and knowledge. For my birthday, a couple of months ago, my daughter wanted to bake muffins to surprise me. She knows I’m not into sugary treats so she asked Siri to help her find a recipe for healthy ones  🙂

The upside is huge

I have a background in IT and I believe this revolution is here to stay, evolving continuously into an even tighter dependency on computers. Artificial intelligence is knocking on our front door and humanity is in for some very serious questions regarding the future of our species.

Both using and understanding information technology, already is, and will be an increasingly important tool and whatever happens our kids will need to relate to and understand computers.

In our family we’ve been able to simplify our everyday lives significantly with the use of IT. Everything from sharing a calendar, so we don’t miss important events, to a family chat to be able to reach the entire family at once. Shopping lists and to do’s as well as shared storage for photos and videos of our memories. We use Facetime to keep close even when we’re physically apart.

School has caught on and nowadays we get all correspondence online, both information to us parents as well as homework and reports. There are also really smart Apps for learning things like increasing your memory capability, play the piano and speak foreign languages.

The upside is huge and I believe in moving forward instead of trying to hold on to the past and wishing for the (better or worse?) old days.

However I’m still not completely at ease with how we manage our screen time.. not when it comes to the kids and actually not when it comes to me neither.

Loosing myself in an inverted time warp called World of Warcraft

My dad, who’s been in the IT business since I was little, brought home our very first computer. It was from work, I believe an IBM 286, and with it came the introduction of computer games. Space quest, Tetris and Prince of Persia made their way into my heart. I spent hours playing, completely hocked. I couldn’t fall asleep because of the images of falling blocks that needed to be turned just right.

At some point I believe my parents limited my access to the games, or I lost interest, and it wasn’t until in my early twenties that I picked it up again. This time it was Age of Empires, and later World of Warcraft, that caught my attention. I was completely drawn into this world, doubly encouraged since all my friends were playing as well.

When the third expansion of World of Warcraft came out I started to lose interest. I remember doing the estimation on how much money Blizzard was making every month. There was a monthly fee times all the current amount of users. I realized what a gold mine they’d found and that a whole lot of that money went back into making sure people stayed interested in the game. All that money going to people that were experts at human behavior and knew exactly what buttons to push to ensure you kept playing month after month.

How many hours of my life was I spending in an alternate reality, lost to the world around me? Sure there are benefits. Thinking strategically, managing your stress levels, motor control, learning the weirdest words in a foreign language. But when Monday comes and you’re wondering what happened to your entire weekend you start thinking that life isn’t going so well.

How dependent are you on your phone?

I recently installed an App called “Moment” on my phone. It tracks your usage and gives you a daily report on your behavior. It’s been worrying and sobering to realize how often I pick up my phone.

It depends on what and why

You can do anything in excess they say. I guess that goes for screen time allowances as well. Should you set a time limit for yourself and your children? Control what they watch? I believe yes and yes, no matter how educational the activity there should be a time limit that ensures some physical action as well. Keeping an eye on what they watch and do online is a security measure. But the big one to keep an eye on, I believe, is “why?”. Why is your child engaging in online activities?

Maybe these questions might help you decide if you need to implement changes in your family. To make it a bit easier I’d make the answers to these questions binary.

  • Does your child use the online time to avoid living life?
  • Does she become anxious without a screen present?
  • Is she using the online world to replace a boring or frightening real one?
  • Is she dodging responsibilities or endangering her health?

Children always look to us for guidance, on how to live life, by watching us live our own. How much time do you spend online and why are you doing it? Turn the questions towards yourself and try answering them as honest as you can.

BeBrave