Radiate

You radiate what you think and feel – even if you aren’t aware of how you might think or feel in a certain moment and even if the people around you can’t set their finger on what exactly it is about you, which makes them feel a certain way, they will still be impacted.

Communicating with your body

Have you ever walked into a situation where people have been arguing but trying to hide it? You might not even have heard the fighting, and when you walked in there were no outward signs, but you could feel the tension between them? Their anger or sadness was still emanating strongly.

It’s said that about 7% of communication between humans come in the form of the actual words spoken. About 25-30% is transferred in the tone of voice and the rest, about 65% is made out of body language. Even if you don’t say anything, no words or tone of voice is heard, you are still sending very strong messages.

Your body is the vessel that holds your thoughts and your feelings. If you keep a negative thought it will impact your feelings and in turn your body. People around you will pick up on the messages you’re sending.

The message gets scrambled by in-congruence

If you don’t truly think and feel what you’re proclaiming you will create distance. It doesn’t matter how eagerly you’re trying to convince with your words. The person you’re talking to will hear your words but will get an uncomfortable feeling. They will feel confused and might even feel stupid for not being able to believe you. If you send one signal with your words and another with your body language the signal gets really scrambled.

Imagine your daughter coming home from school distraught because of a “failed exam”. You might say “don’t worry honey, that C is nothing to worry about”. If you inwardly think that your daughter really could do better, that she’s just too lazy or you worry that she’ll never make it, you’re probably not sending signals that will sooth her anxiety. There’s a risk that she’ll be leaving that conversation more confused and unsure than before she came to you. She might not understand why but she’ll feel resistance to open up to talk to you again.

When I talk to my children about issues that I’m unsure of, that I don’t know the answers to, I tend to slip into preaching mode. I hide my perceived flawed ignorance behind some cliches or generalizations and I usually immediately lose their interest. They pick up on my scrambled message and choose to tune out. But when I’m honest, admitting at first that I don’t know and that I’m unsure, they will usually hear me out when I give them my reasoning so far. Thankfully I’ve come to value our open and honest communication more than being right and a know it all.

A strong message will impact the outcome – negatively or positively

Today there’s scientific evidence, within the Quantum physics field, that proves that what we focus on and believe is actually emitted from our beings. I don’t understand the science behind it, yet :), but I’ve had plenty of real life experiences to back up my belief that I can impact the outcome of my life by thought alone.

Like the way I always seem to be able to predict how a potentially tricky situation at work will actually go wrong versus when it’ll work out just fine. It always depends on how I walk into that situation – looking for failure versus looking for success. Crouching and trying to hide my worry versus standing tall and confident in the faith that we’ll find a solid solution.

Or when I’m actually convinced that my daughter won’t be up for some suggestion I have for the weekend and no matter how I phrase it she’ll balk at the idea.

What if you could choose what you radiate?

So the theory is that what you think and feel, even on a subconscious level, radiates from you and is picked up by the people around you. What if you could become more aware of your thoughts and feelings? What if you deliberately could choose the signals you’re going to send?

So how can we understand what is going on in our subconscious when it’s actually in our subconscious? J This is where writing and drawing comes in handy!

Pick a situation where you have a challenge impacting someone towards something you believe to be a really good thing. Maybe that someone even is yourself? Maybe it’s one of your children.

Take out a piece of paper and draw a scale from 1 to 10. The 1 will represent your belief that the outcome will never happen. The 10 will be defined as your complete belief that it will absolutely come true.

Take a good look at the situation and desired outcome and then draw a line, starting at 1 and ending where you subconsciously feel like ending it. Maybe you stop at the middle, maybe closer to the 10 or maybe you just get started on the line and your pen just stops moving.

Look at the line you’ve drawn and ask yourself what the reasons are for not going all the way up to 10. Write down any concerns or considerations you have about how it might not work out. Now you have your list of reasons why you haven’t been able to influence the situation in the desired direction. You’ve been emitting these obstacles and your signal has been jammed.

Knowing is sometimes enough

Sometimes it’s curative just getting these things down on paper. Sometimes it takes a bit more conscious effort to change these beliefs and replacing them with empowering true ones. Either way, knowing about them will give you the opportunity to be honest and open when you communicate which in turn will lead to more honest and productive relationships.