My Primary Question – Is this the right thing to do?
What is 1 + 4?
What’s the color of grass?
How many legs does a spider have?
Your brain cannot NOT think about something. (Well… men’s brains seam to differ a bit.. heard of the “nothing-box”? 🙂 ) Given a stimuli of a question the brain can’t resist. If you ask yourself a question your mind will start going through everything it knows and has experienced to try to find an answer. When you read the questions above I bet your brain gave you the answers even before you were done reading.
According to Mr Tony Robbins there is one question above all others, he calls it your Primary question.
A Primary question is a question that you ask yourself daily and usually without being aware of it. It heavily impacts the results you’re getting in life and I’d say it is a core part of which personality traits you’ve acquired. Whenever you are faced with a choice or an experience you unconsciously weigh it against your primary question. Whatever the question the brain will start looking for an answer and that answer will govern how you decide to act.
If you think about it can you become aware of what your question might be right now?
“Is this the right thing to do?”
I was asked to reflect on what question I’d let rule my actions in life so far. At first I drew a complete blank which, as it turned out, wasn’t very strange. I had to revisit this idea during the following two days until it dawned on me. I’d spent an absurd amount of years dwelling on whether the choices before me would be considered correct or not. “Is this right?” was the shorthand version of “Is this what would be considered the most correct answer/choice?”
I want to pick these subjects in school => Are those right?
My boss thinks I should move towards this field of expertise => Will that be a correct choice?
That sport looks like fun, I think I’d like to try it.. => But is that right?
I’d spent years worrying about making the “right” choices. My instinctive response to any new situation or opportunity was to question if it was the most correct thing to do. It was the question that would protect me from the horror of being wrong. To me life was a choice between being right or being unhappy. Off course that Primary question sure as H**L couldn’t be considered “the RIGHT Primary question” – hence the difficulty in uncovering it *sigh*
I was blessed with a situation where I was prompted to consider the concept of a Primary question. I realized the amount of energy I’d spent worrying about what others might think of my choices. Knowing was in itself the beginning of change. I couldn’t go back and forget what I’d learnt. From that point I got more and more aware of the automatic question and its impact on my life.
You don’t have to believe it – try it for yourself
The theory of having a Primary question is, as far as I know, not really scientifically proven to be true. Maybe there are many different questions people ask themselves and not just one. Maybe it’s not before every choice or situation but only when faced with certain types that this weighing occurs. The theory is just a theory. It’s up to you to try it and see if it has impact in your life.
I usually try to understand the science of how things work before I commit to trying something new. In fact, I believe that desire to know and understand comes from having my primary question. Is this right? works well for me when I can find answers I feel sure of. When I do then I can move forward with confidence and speed. It’s when I can’t be sure of the answers that I get in trouble.
When I learnt of the theory of Primary questions, about 6 years ago, I didn’t understand it. I didn’t know the science about how hard wired our brains are to find answers. I hadn’t learnt about the subconscious at all. It was a leap of faith mixed with an “ah, what the heck do I have to lose?” kind of thing that let me try this theory out.
I can now judge from experience. Believing in the theory of having a Primary question, which guides my decisions, is beneficial for me. It helps me to stay mindful and to be aware of when I let my fear stop me.
“If you want to improve the quality of your life then improve the quality of your questions”
If you had a Primary question that had governed your decisions so far in life what could it be?
Here are some examples of Primary questions. When you read through them see if you can discern the kind of personality that each question would create. What kind of life is the person with this question living?
- How will this situation go wrong in the end?
- What is the risk I’m taking?
- What would my parents think about this?
- In what way are the people involved trying to benefit on my expense?
- What will I learn through this experience?
- How can I make it enjoyable and fun for me and everyone involved?
- What will I be able to practice while doing this?
- How can I contribute?
I bet you’ve been able to hone in on a Primary question by now. Is it one that has kept you living smaller than you’re capable of or is it an empowering one?
Are you happy with the Primary question you have or do you want to pick another one? Either way, you could try a new one for a week and see what happens in your life.
