Giving

Is it okay to look forward to gifts on Christmas? How do you handle expectations and gifts in your family? Do your relatives ask your children “What do you wish for Christmas” or “What have you asked Santa for?”?

Christmas is around the corner and my girls and I are sooo looking forward to it! Although I don’t like the consumeristic idea of the holiday I really do enjoy coming up with surprises for the ones I love. One of my favorite times of the year is that night when I get to do the wrapping. It’s an all-night event. I get the girls in bed or out of the house, nowadays it’s easy since they’re at their dad’s house every other week. Then I pour myself a cup of tea (or a glass of wine 😉 ), put on some Christmas music and overflow the kitchen table with wrapping material. I wrap gifts and think of making my family happy – I love this night!

Excitement or agony?

I know that there is a great divide in people who loves this holiday and those who think it’s mostly agony. True agony for all the people who don’t have anyone to share it with or for those parents that have barely enough to make it through the day let alone get gifts or special Christmas treats for their kids.

I’m incredibly blessed in my life and so there really isn’t any agony to talk of. I still have mixed feelings towards the holiday though. The potential stress for me is when I either can’t think of something for someone I love or when I just can’t afford it. In contrast, when I do find something and actually can get it, I feel giddy and exited and can’t wait for the day when I get to see the surprise and happiness.

The potential stress is still real, although I know it’s a blessed situation. I remember actual uncomfortable dreams about it when I was in my teens. Dreaming that it was the day before Christmas and I had completely forgotten about it. Trying to find something for the people I loved at the local gas station. As I grew older I implemented the strategy of keeping an eye on Christmas from about the end of September. Whenever I hear someone I love talk about something they’d like to do or get I take a mental, and later written, note.

Give children the gift of giving

My girls loves getting gifts, but they really love giving them as well. They’ve been making gifts at school and crafting things at home. Given a glue-gun, some pens and paper and they can create the most creative objects you can imagine. Having a creative studio set up at the kitchen table has kept them occupied for many evenings in November/December.

As they’ve grown older they’ve become more aware of a difference in price between what they can afford or create and what they usually get. It’s been a challenge for them trying to come to terms with this. My eldest came into a period where she no longer wanted to create things because it “just wasn’t good enough”. I saw she was struggling to explain, to herself more than to anyone else, why she didn’t make or give gifts. It took some of the joy out of Christmas for her.

I try to help them out with finding things or activities they can do for the ones they love that don’t require a lot of money.

• One of my girls loves to write fiction so I asked her to write a story for someone
• Sometimes we bake candy or cookies
• Making a painting of a mind-map over all the reasons she loves someone and frame it
• Making a gift card of an in-house massage or a clean house

Balancing excitement and disappointment

Like most children, in privileged homes, my girls look forward to this holiday – a lot. The countdown starts when it’s about 7 weeks left and the days seam to slow down just to tease them. The excitement is heightened by the people around them asking about what they wish for Christmas. A child doesn’t have any problems asking Santa for things. Kids don’t care what the cost is or if it’s doable or not. My daughters have wished for ponies and puppies and a swimming-pool..

When you ask a child “what they would reeeeeally like if they could wish for anything they wanted” they will start wishing for it. I know we ask out of a nice intention, we want to know if there is something they want that we can give to them, but maybe we should shift more of the focus away from the getting towards the giving?

I remember that sorrowful feeling when high expectations weren’t met, I remember it personally and I’ve seen it with my girls. They so longed and hoped for something that they didn’t get. At first I was a little provoked by their reactions. They weren’t acting out or anything, there were just tightly held tears that I could sense. I thought they were acting spoiled and ungrateful for everything they have. Then I realized that I’d participated in creating this situation by the way I was acting. I and the other people around them had asked and gotten them to talk about all their wishes.. Not once had I worked to downplay their expectations or to reason with them about their wish lists.

Downplay the wish list and focus on being connected

Are there any things you can do or focus on to enjoy the Holiday with your kids even more? Maybe these tips can help:

1. Plan ahead, do your Christmas shopping as early in November as you can. That way you can relax and thoroughly enjoy this time. A connected family will give more happiness than any gift you could ever buy.
2. Downplay the wish list and talk about how lucky we are to have so much. Join in a charity or action towards giving to those who have nothing. One example that we’ve joined in is The Basket brigade.
3. Focus on giving and seeing the joy on the faces of grandparents and family members and help your children come up with good examples of gifts if they can’t think of something themselves. Give them the gift of giving