Communication

Do the people you want to hang out with like having you around? Are you impacted by other people’s energy and are you aware of how your energy is impacting others?

When the same stories are being told over and over

”Oh no, here we go again.” Do the people you hang with sometimes repeat themselves? Launching into a story that you’ve heard many times before? It’s a common phenomenon that you hear or see something that triggers a specific memory and all of a sudden you’re hijacked by your brain to follow a certain train of thoughts. Take the example of what happens when you hear the word cilantro. Does your brain instantly give you an impulse to react in an overwhelmingly positive or negative way? For some reason, in my experience, cilantro has a strong either/or- effect on people J

The human brain is created to anchor reactions and thoughts together in sequences. The more times, or the higher the emotional level when you experience something, the more likely it is for you to link the events together. When some part of this sequence is triggered, the entire collection of thoughts and feelings lights up in your head.

Some people say they appreciate and prefer being in relationships that are predictable. The same routines, the same conversations and the same triggers and responses. I think it’s because if you can predict what will happen you will feel safe.

Sometimes it’s not the specific story that is being repeated

For some people it’s not the specific content of the story that is repeated, it’s the underlying emotion. Your thought of “Oh no, here we go again” comes from knowing that whatever is said in actual words in the coming moments you already know the feeling that will be expressed.

“You know what happened today?” they might say and before they even begin to tell you, you already know the feeling that will be flowing towards you.

Just like embedding events in your brain, by repetition, you hardwire emotional states by reliving emotions over and over. After a while those emotions become your habit and people will learn to expect a certain personality from you. You’ve become predictable.

If it’s all good then it’s all good! – Your personal energy might be spectacular!

In an earlier post I’ve written about the possibility to consciously reflect on the result you want from your communication.

If the stories, and the underlying emotions you’re sending, are giving you results you like then predictability is good. If you can make people feel joy and like they’re being energized by your presence they’ll be drawn to you. Maybe you’re the kind of person that people pay expectant attention to when you say “you know what happened today?” Maybe they know they’re in for a funny story or other emotional treat. 🙂

If your relationships are already great then continue with what you’re doing! If you only have people around you that give you positive energy then no pruning of friends needs to be done. Celebrate your relationships and tell the people you care about how much you appreciate having them in your life.

If, on the other hand, you’re feeling that your relationships aren’t as close or rich as you’d like then one potential area to investigate could be your personal energy. What feeling are you habitually sending by your communications with others?

Explaining personal energy to children

The benefits of becoming aware of the energy you’re sending, apply equally well to our children. But talking to children about the concept isn’t always easy. If the idea appears too vague or fuzzy turning it into a story and a metaphor might help.

“Imagine that every time someone, including you, opens the mouth to say something the words that come out are captured in bubbles. It’s like your lips are the soap bubble tool and every breath you exhale, and all the words that you say, become bubbles that drift away towards the ones you talk to. Imagine how the bubble floats over to the one you’re sending the words to and bursts just over their heads. It’s when the bubble burst that the words can be heard. But it’s not only the words that are included in the bubble, it’s also the feeling of the words that you sent. When the bubble pops the feeling spread all over the people that can hear the words.

The next time you want to tell someone something, see if you can stop and consider the soap bubble before you send it. Ask yourself – what feeling will be included in this bubble and rain down on the person I’m talking to? What feeling do I want to send in the bubble?”

If the idea of the soap bubble lands well then you can use the metaphor when you teach children about dodging other people’s bad emotional habits. Imagine how angry people also send soap bubbles flying when they talk and how you can avoid them by the use of umbrella or shield.