Addiction

Is your child addicted to a screen?

When I hear the word ”addiction” I picture alcohol, cigarettes, gambling or drugs. In the recent years I’ve also added sugar to the list. Now there’s another factor that is worth keeping a vigilant eye on. Online addiction. Humans are arguably the most adaptable spicies on this planet but our bodies and brains weren’t created to change as fast as our world has changed in the last decades.

Spending time online is highly addictive

The relatively new term in marketing strategies, “gamification”, describes the theory of making something more enjoyable and addictive to humans. We love playing, and when we feel we’re getting better, finishing a new challenge, unlocking a new and more difficult level or just getting another gold star, we don’t stop to question the activity itself. We’re moved into flow and completely lose track of time.

The amount of money spent to capture and keep our attention is staggering. I did some research (online off course ;p) and according to statista.com the value of the worldwide gamification market was at 4.91 billion USD in 2016 with an expected growth to 12 billion in 2021.

It’s not just games that create addiction online. Our bodies were created to ensure we survive and one of the mechanisms is to reward the activity to look for things. To engage in finding things. If you’ve ever spent time in the woods looking for mushrooms or berries you know the rewarding exhilarating feeling you get when you finally find those treasures.

Browsing online lights your brain up in the same way. You get a chemical rush of endorphins released in your body whenever you “find” something interesting. Unfortunately the brain hasn’t caught up to differentiate between the findings. Fun movies of cats are rewarded the same way as essential food sources would be.

Limiting screen time – it’s up to you as a parent

Making sure you know What your child is doing online as well as answering the tough question of Why she spends time there is important. The internet shouldn’t be used to avoid or hide from your life. If it is then maybe it’s time to step back and look for alternatives.

There are arguments for limiting screen time even when the reasons to why your child is online are completely valid.

Without the knowledge of how our brains work in an online setting, and the understanding of how people act differently online, a child is defenseless. As an adult you can step back and realize the impact you’re having on your life. But the brain of a child isn’t ready to predict the consequences nor is it prepared to resist the biology of the reward system..

I’ve heard someone go as far as to likening letting a child surf online alone is like leaving her alone in a bar. There is no way for a child to understand why people are acting so different from how they would in a normal setting. The undercurrent of sex and mindlessly losing control is subconscious and hard to become aware of.

Some early signals to watch out for would be if she shows concern or worry if the tablet/phone isn’t around or if the battery is about to expire without there being a chance to charge nearby. She might turn down fun activities in exchange for time online or she might start to feel really frustrated when faced with some time without access to the internet. Being bored might start to feel really bad.

Approaching a change in screen time allowance

As with any change, especially those that might be perceived as a change for the worse, define when it would be a good time to talk about it.

Imagining spending two summer weeks in a small house with four children ages between 8 and 14. Say that these kids can’t leave the property, on their own, due to highly trafficked streets which rules out all activities such as exploring and playing outside the immediate property. Add to the mix a very warm air temperature that leaves the entire family on edge and parents that were looking forward to some relaxing and joyful days and now are trying to come to terms with that shattered illusion.

Is this an advisable time to introduce a limit on screen time? Maybe or maybe not. I guess it depends on your ability to muster your own energy and lead with love, laughter and certainty. I sure wasn’t in that place this past summer hence our children got noticeably more screen time than I would have accepted in other circumstances.

Pick your moment and think through the conversation before you engage in it. Limiting the supply of “drugs” for someone with online addiction, be it mild or extreme, won’t be met with immediate acceptance and joy. The strategy could be different depending on the age and level of maturity of your child.

Small children need clear guidelines

For smaller children it’s best to set a limit and stick by it. You might invite the child to participate in some part of the decision but you set the hard limits. You might say “we have a new rule for our family. We’re going to be using the tablet/phone/TV for a maximum of two hours every day. Which is best for you, would you prefer to have your time in the afternoon when you get home from school or is it better after dinner?”

My youngest daughter made me acutely aware of the level of addiction that the online world brings and of how hard it is to avoid. I hinted and huffed about her constant online presence this summer and at one point she had had enough. She literally said; “Mom, if you want me to use the Ipad less then give me a rule to follow. Don’t nag me all the time, you’re only making me feel guilty and bad!”

She wanted a rule to stick to. She knew it would help her stay away from the Ipad and she knew that during the time she was allowed to use it she would enjoy it instead of feeling bad about it. And she knew she could set that rule herself.

Older children will benefit from being more active in the decision

It’s important to include children in the decision as they grow older. Sooner or later they need to become self-reliant and learn to control this possible drug for themselves.

Tell them about the brain and talk about what addiction is. Explain that it’s not a matter of being strong and it’s not a question of if you trust them or not. It’s about chemistry and biology and it effects everyone. It’s something that everyone must learn about and keep an eye on.

They might think that “you’re overbearing or too old to understand the way the world works today”. Don’t fall into the trap of arguing about it. Keep with the facts and research and tell them to make a plan that you can talk through.

“I want you to go online (I know.. online… ;p) and research two areas; the risks of online addiction and what addiction is and does to the human brain. I want you to present your findings to me and I want you to show me how you plan to avoid it and also what early signs you’re going to look for.”

Talk through the plan together. When it comes to serious matters like addiction, you, as the parent, is still foremost responsible for the outcome. Agree on the best way for how you will supervise and how the both of you will check up on this issue regularly.

Always keep an eye on your own actions. Maybe your teenagers plan works as well for yourself? 🙂