You are a unique human being. Nowhere and never will there be someone like you. You have your experiences, your teachers, your upbringing, your surroundings and your genetics and all of this will make you draw conclusions and make connections in a way that no one else will. Everything you’ve experienced, learnt, felt, seen and heard of is stored in your subconscious. You might not believe it because your conscious mind can’t remember it all at the same time – but trust me, it’s there! It’s just your retrieval process that needs fine-tuning.
If you have the feeling of being stuck, of not knowing what to do, of having a problem without a solution – then continue pouring things into your brain! If you feel you’re on a roll, that you’ve got things figured out, that you know all that you need to know to live a good life – then continue pouring things into your brain! The world changes and you want to be able to change nimbly with it.
Tom Bilyeu is famous for his truest of equations; “II = IO” (Ideas In = Ideas Out)
“Start pouring good things in and good thing will start pouring out”
Tony Robbins
When?
You might have a busy life and wonder when you would be able to set aside time for this. Make it a priority and use every opportunity you can think of! You don’t have to use a physical book, you can watch or actually even just listen to videos/podcasts from Youtube. Just start!
When waiting for your child’s soccer practice to end, when you’re shopping, when cleaning, when driving, on the subway, on your lunch break, while on your run or at the gym or read your book as the bedtime story for you small child – he doesn’t understand it but he gets to listen to your voice and enjoy your company while settling down for the night.
I continue to devour books, podcasts, videos and audios. I listen to audios that I find motivating and inspiring or challenging over and over just to get the repetition and reminders I want. I have some sections of Tony Robbins audio series “Get the Edge” that I now think I could recite in my sleep. I come across a lot of information that is AMAZING that I let myself be changed by and some that doesn’t speak to me at all. There is so much knowledge and experience and strategies out there!
I would love to share my findings with you!
This is how it works. Whenever I read or come across valuable information that takes a bit longer than a 5 minute read on Facebook (in which case I will post it there ;)) I will post it here. As you can see there are Categories described below. These categories are there to help you get information from many sources but on a specific topic. I’ll also list the sources themselves with a summary and a review so you can read more if you want to.
The Categories are based on the topics I’ve found most usually appears in the Family context combined with topics for personal growth which always will be the foundation for any Family growth.
NOTE! All comments and reviews of the material is my personal interpretation of the sources. The authors or other readers might have a different idea of what their material is about.
- Categories - Definitions
- # Family Purpose
- #Family Connection
- #Family Fun
- #Family Conflicts
- #Family Theory/Strategy
- #Family Routines
- #Beliefs
- #Skillset Parent
- #Emotions
- #Goals
- #Skillset Children
#Family Purpose – What is a family? Why do you want to have children? What is the purpose of having a family? What is your role as a parent and what are your goals and vision for your family life?
#Family Connection – How important is connection for you to be able to influence your child? What builds connection and what tears it down? What kind of connection do you have and do you want to have within your family?
#Family Fun – How do you bring laughter and a joy for living into your home? What would family fun look like to you? Do you have time for having fun or is it a “someday honey” in your day to day life? Is it really that important?
#Family Conflicts – What are you fighting about? What areas are red zones? How do you manage conflicts in an effective and respectful manner?
#Family Theory/Strategy – Ideas, research, opinions, theories and strategies about family life and how to make it more enjoyable and effective.
#Family Routines – Ideas for routines/strategies you can implement to make your family life more predictable and manageable so your get room for being spontaneous when the opportunity comes. Routines provides structure and a framework that children need.
#Beliefs – People are run by their beliefs. A couple of important subsets of beliefs can be called Mindset and Identity. What beliefs about yourself, your family and your child do you have? What is your definitions of how things “should be”? Does your definition match that of your spouse and/or children?
#Skillset Parents – What skills do we need as parents to be able to become the best parents we can be? How do we step into the adult role with confidence and an open heart? How do we keep our energy and sanity while balancing family and career? What do we need to learn to be able to teach?
#Emotions – What is an emotion? Are emotions good or bad? How do you manage emotions, yours and your child’s? What emotions do you want to feel?
#Goals – Are there any GAPs in your life? How do you set relevant goals? Are goals important or do they just distract you from the present moment? Can you see the world as it is, not worse than it is? And can you envision it better?
#Skillset Children – What skills do our children need to learn? How can we help them? How can we protect the innate curiosity and willingness to try new things? How can be coach them into those mindsets if they have lost them?
Sources - For more information
Kids are worth it! – Raising resilient, responsible, compassionate kids Barbara Coloroso
#Beliefs #Skillset Parents #Skillset Children #Family Theory/Strategy #Family Conflict #Routines
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Throughout the book Barbara refers to three family types; backbone, brick-wall and jellyfish families. The different types affect everything in the family from basis for decisions, values, problem-solving strategies, power distribution, to managing emotions and supporting children in their challenges that accompany learning and growing. A backbone family is one where the parents take full leadership and through a delicate balance between respect for everyone’s individual needs and the importance of cooperation and interdependency they walk their talk into living the values and beliefs they want their children to embody.
A brick-wall family is a family dictatorship where the power comes from above. Order, power, obedience and strict rules are the building blocks. Emotions are denied or ridiculed. Threats and bribes and unpredictable punishments are part of the parenting toolbox.
In a jellyfish family one or both parents have either come from a brick-wall family and has decided to “never be that strict with my kids” or they are just incapable of setting any structure/routines in place. Not for themselves and not for their children.
The book is filled with examples from everyday situations that helps capture the essence of the teachings. It is based on the clear belief that children are valuable just for being who they are and that parenting comes down to preparing children to be resilient, responsible and compassionate.
Barbara cover many everyday situations as well as a number of tough ones; from potty-training and dealing with teenage disengagement to drugs, talks about sex and suicide attempts.
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The idea of the three family types helped me conceptualize these three different types of value systems and behavior models. To be able to refer to a behavior as a brick-wall behavior (making your child fall asleep on her own even though she’s crying) or to a feeling coming from a jellyfish value (“It’s important that a child gets to be a child and not have too much responsibilities”) has made it easier for me to label situations that I find myself in and to make a conscious decision to change into My backbone actions.
The book covers many many possible problem situations in family life and Barbara doesn’t flinch in writing openly and encouragingly about the really hard issues. I felt safe in trusting her wisdom in the things she wrote.
It’s a book to get tools and beliefs from!
Siblings without rivalry – How to help your children to live together so you can live too Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
#Beliefs #Skillset Parents #Skillset Children #Family Theory/Strategy #Family Conflict #Family Purpose #Family Connection #Emotions
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An easily digestible book full of real life situations as well as insightful tools and strategies on one of the most difficult challenges in a family where there are more than one child.
Adele and Elaine explains the basis for sibling rivalry, why it is in fact a logical behavior and also give hands-on advise on how to avoid it and how to manage it when it flares.
You get to follow a group of parents during a coaching series and listen in on their findings and learning in real time. It is a format that lets the reader follow along in their own learning journey.
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With two daughters, who doesn’t always get along, this book was a gift! I feel empowered to not get pulled into the childrens fighting and instead focus on building my connection with them as individuals. I can focus on filling them up according to their separate needs and make sure each of them feels seen and heard for being uniquely her.
I can now see their fighting (well most of it anyways…alot of it?… some of it??!… 😉 ) as opportunities to learn the important skills in life; getting along, compromising, listening, making friends, apologizing, problem solving, finding a solution that is good for everyone, standing up for yourself.
Parenting with presence – Practices for raising conscious, confident, caring kids Susan Stiffelman
#Family Purpose #Family Connection #Family Fun #Family Theory/Strategy #Beliefs #Emotions #Skillset Children
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This book describes how parenting can be a spiritual experience and a practice in living the life we have in front of us instead of the one we wish we had. It has a foreword from Eckhart Tolle and contains many references to accepting “what is” as a way to free your energy to let you grow and heal your own childhood wounds.
Intertwined with the spiritual theories you find many practical descriptions on how to manage everyday situations; Susan ends each chapter with a “Now it’s you turn” session where she asks the reader to consider some questions or taking actions and a “Making it practical” session where she brings the theories to life as she provides questions and answers regarding the chapter.
The book contains an extensive Index, Notes chapter and Additional resources that lets you explore further and that brings even more weight to the theories that already are very credibly based on Susans long experience in working as a parent educator, therapist and parenting expert.
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This book resonated with my search for a more soulful experience in my family life. It showed me how to accept the “what is” – in my case “irritating daily bickering” between my girls – so that I can stop giving energy away to negative thoughts. Now I can much more easily notice how they are “practicing their communication and learning how to interact with people” and not get angry about it.
Susan’s way of coming back to describing a parents emotions/reactions, to their family and life in general, as a clue to something that could use some healing made me curious to explore some sadness and anger within me. I realized that I Do get out on the other side of it and i Do feel better for having faced it instead of pushing it away – the book is worth reading for many reasons and for that realization specifically.