Fear – The universal root of your bad decisions
Fear is that constant companion that is involved in all your bad decisions. I believe that fear is what keeps us from returning to the beautiful, open and quite frankly loving beings that we are. And in that sense fear really is the root of evil.
Fear is a part of the human experience that act according to a misconceived purpose to protect. Fear wants to keep you safe and safe means without change. It will access all your mental capacity and turn it against you, if needed, to stop you from making big changes in your life. This is why fear often keeps people with high IQ from moving forward. Their logical minds supply an endless stream of completely reasonable arguments for why taking action is a bad thing.
Fear has a purpose
There are completely natural reasons for fear. Looking at the genetics and the human evolution you realize that the brain was not developed to make us happy. It was developed to keep us safe. I bet you’ve heard the example of how our ancestors needed the physical reactions induced by fear to be able to survive the occasional meet-up with saber toothed tigers.
Fear also keeps you from doing really stupid and dangerous stuff like petting poisonous snakes, swimming in the shark-filled ocean or voluntarily strapping yourself into the free fall ride at the amusement park.. Fear is supposed to keep you from doing things that could kill you.
When fear does gets a hold on you the chemicals that flood your system are very real and needs to be dealt with. Your body releases adrenaline, noradrenaline and cortisol into your bloodstream. These chemicals in turn make your body turn down the functionality of the digestion system and some nervous systems. This is done so as to redistribute power to give the body a burst of strength and energy.
These chemicals also narrows your focus span down to what is commonly related to as tunnel vision. This is a physical phenomenon aimed to keep you VERY focused on the perceived problem so you, in theory, can find a solution for it quickly.
So fear has a purpose. To keep you safe. It’s really trying its very utmost to be of service and be helpful to you. It’s just that the programming for “safe” hasn’t been updated in a million years or so..
The most fearsome situation
The situation that possibly damage us the most is that fear still believes that one of the most risky results for a human is the risk of being…. *drum roll*… ALONE!
Again, this is natural. It is neuroscience and chemicals. You didn’t stand much of a chance back in time if you didn’t have a tribe to count on. But today that situation is not terminal. It’s painful, lonely and boring but it’s not going to kill you!
Knowing that fear is not a supporting friend and that being ostracized is not a deadly situation helps me to catch my fears voice when it shows up. But it still takes constant awareness. You see my fear has a way of sneaking up on me.
It’s cunningly awaiting just that moment when my defenses are lowered. When I’m tired or in physical pain. It gets into my brain and use everything I know and everything I’ve ever been afraid of and throws it together with just enough truth behind it that arguing back feels pointless.
Manage fear
When you’re in the clutch of fear the first thing you need to do is to manage the chemicals. One of the fastest ways to do that is to change your physical state:
- Stand up and stretch your hands to the sky
- Fake laugh until you make yourself actually laugh from feeling so silly
- Do a silly dance disco style
There are many other ways to get out of the paralyzing fear and if you often find yourself frozen I’d recommend that you consider looking to find professional help.
The most effective way to manage fear is to catch it before it pushes you into full-blown “flight or fight” mode. To be effective in this you really need to know more about it.
Best Friends Forever
I don’t know at what level you are in terms of your connection to your fear. Maybe you’re on a first-name basis. Maybe you’ve already managed to establish a loving but firmly controlled relationship.
As you get to know your fear you will notice that there are recurring situations that triggers it and that there are patterns to the actual excuses that it uses. This will help you anticipate and mitigate the effects beforehand.
The following exercise is powerful and will let your subconscious let things be known to your conscious. The trick is to do this with intention and to use the written language that speaks directly to the subconscious.
Get personal
- Personalize your fear
Give him/her a name and a tone of voice. - Learn to notice when Fear starts acting/talking.
Use a notebook or a simple “notes function” on your phone and for one week write down what Fear says. This takes some practice but it gets easier and easier. You will quickly notice how often Fear is in the driver seat. Stop what you’re doing and simply write down what Fear just said. In the beginning maybe all you will get is short sentences or words; “stop”, “you can’t do that”, “who do you think you are?” Just keep writing, don’t make it complicated – this is just a gathering process. Write a short note on the situation and what Fear said. - Get to know your fear.
When you have a week’s worth of material it’s time to get to know your Fear properly. This step might be a bit scary in itself and could actually trigger that Fear; He/she knows you’re on to him/her at this point. When doing this step may I suggest that you set aside some time for yourself somewhere where you won’t be disturbed. Print your notes and bring pens and paper. Start sorting through what your Fear has been suggesting. Are there any patterns to the rambling?In what situations does he/she get going?What is he/she trying to get you to do/not do? - Take control.
Usually it’s enough to personalize and get to know your Fear to empower you to act in face of it. When you start acting in spite of Fear you prove to yourself that you’re in control and that you are capable of running your life. With the self-confidence comes the trust that Fear needs to be able to sit back and take a much needed rest. Let him/her sit in the passenger seat and be the vigilant companion he/she’s supposed to be.
Love your fear
I’ve become a huge believer in energy and in accepting what is in my life. Instead of pushing bad feelings and thoughts down I do my best to welcome them as the teachers they are. Welcome and even love them. When I can love my fear she rests comfortably within me, secure in her importance and role.
Fear has a purpose. To keep me safe. It’s a purpose worthy of love! She needs to be part of my life, she keeps me on the right track. She reminds me too keep my promises to myself and others so I don’t let myself down. My fear makes sure I keep going way past being tired to make sure we live up to our standards. She keeps an eye on my energy levels so I take a day of to rest when needed.
She also gives me the opportunity to grow and to be brave! Without Fear there would be no courage. And Fear is my best indicator for knowing what I need to do and act on next.
