Escaping your unset goals – procrastinating with short term pleasures
Procrastinating is a devious habit. The more you do it the more familiar and normal it feels. I know I have some perceived important, but scary or comprehensive, work to do when I find myself binge watching 3 chic flicks or rummaging through the pantry, for the fourth time in 15 minutes, looking for some unspecified treat.
Procrastinating doesn’t make you better or worse
You know that feeling when, after a day of doing nothing, you go to bed berating yourself for a “wasted day”? “What was the point of even waking up today? I haven’t done anything to push forward and the things I did do wasn’t even pleasurable. Tomorrow will be better, a fresh start! No more laziness, no more hiding, no more excuses.”
It’s a common misconception to associate procrastination with an inferior character. But putting things off doesn’t make you any worse, or better, than anyone else. Being stuck in measuring your value based on what you are or are not doing, in any given day, is just adding pressure to your life and also making you miss the point of being alive in the first place.
The definition of procrastinating reads; “putting of action until a future time”. What you’re doing then is pushing something, let’s call this something X, forward in your schedule. That doesn’t sound so bad does it? You’re still planning on doing it, just not right now.
Don’t fret about procrastinating. Loading it with guilt or giving it some loser-label will only make you refrain from changing. Like a tick, your subconscious, will dig in deeper to make sure you never have the chance to face what’s going on. If you equate procrastinating with being a looser, you’ve just made it even harder for yourself to notice when you’re doing it.
Be gentle towards yourself and don’t make matters unbearably difficult. Identify that there is something, X, that you seem to want to get done that, for some reason, fills you with resistance. It’s not worse than that. Right now there is some resistance to doing X.
What does procrastinating look like to you?
I watch movies, read novels or eat when I procrastinate. What is your preferred activity when you really should be doing something else? If you stop and think for a moment, what is it you do that feels good in the moment but that you regret later on?
Another question to ponder is how big of a problem procrastination is in your life. Habits and addictions are only bad for you if they feel bad for you (or someone else) 🙂 There’s no right or wrong in terms of what you decide to spend your time on. If you want to spend your day laying in the sunshine drinking piña colada then by all means. As long as you don’t interfere with someone else happiness or opportunity to do what they want to do you’re free to do whatever. No one should judge you for doing what you want to do.
If you procrastinate taking out the trash by drinking a cup of tea and relaxing then the problem maybe isn’t that huge. It’s when you stop taking action on the important stuff that the procrastination becomes an issue worth addressing.
When is it Procrastinating and when is it Enjoying your life?
Procrastinating is a sneaky habit. It usually comes in the form of something that contribute to the very point of being alive; as something you really enjoy doing. The activity usually is something that under different circumstances would have been irrefutably good for you. Watching TV or allowing myself a treat can be part of a relaxing or entertaining event that gives my life joy and connection.
Meeting my friends and catching up on their lives, helping each other with challenges and celebrating progress and important events, make me feel loved and like I matter. Spending time with the same people gossiping about problems or going through the same litany of events, reminiscing the past, without moving forward however, is just a waste of time. Procrastination hidden under the flag of “caring for a relationship/being there for someone”.
Why do we do it..
What makes you push your head into the sand in the first place? The generally known theory is that people procrastinate because of one of the following reasons;
- They’ve made the thing they have to do, X, into something too big so they can’t see the clearly everything that needs to be done. – They don’t know what to do.
- They don’t see the point of doing it – Why is it important and for whom?
.. and how do we get out of it?
There are some proven strategies that could be worth trying:
- Make yourself aware of your procrastination before you’re doing it!
Take out that pen and paper and sit down and think through the last time you procrastinated. It’s important to do this when you’re NOT in the action but instead at a time when you feel calm and happy. Think through what you were doing. What excuses were you telling yourself and what activities were you indulging in? What were the signs that you now know were telling?
If you write these things down it’s going to be real hard to BS yourself the next time you’re doing it. - Remind yourself of why
Sometimes, all it takes, is to think through why doing X is important and for whom. At some point in your past you decided that X was something you wanted to get done. Maybe because if you didn’t, you’d get pain from someone being disappointed or maybe because you wanted to help someone you care about. When you remember the reasons as to why you want X done you get motivation to move forward again. - Give yourself a time limit
We usually get our act together and get things done when we’re closing in on a deadline. All of a sudden NOT doing activity X will hurt more than actually doing it. If you find yourself stuck it can help to set your own deadline.
- I will do what I want for 3 hours and then I will do X
- I will free time in my schedule to distance myself from the everyday grind and really look at why I’m resisting X
- Set a timer for 15 minutes and promise yourself that during that time you will focus 100% on pushing this activity towards completion. When you’re done schedule the next 15 minute session and then celebrate so you connect joy to the process.
Most importantly
Don’t blame yourself when you find yourself procrastinating!
Instead of hurting yourself when you’re already in a vulnerable state, which is true when you put important stuff off instead of dealing with them, be kind! Don’t make it ok but don’t make yourself into some worthless looser either. When you realize that you’re in that space take it seriously and talk to yourself like you would a dear friend. Let yourself regroup and find your bearing.
